Dancing With Jesus For Seven Years!
I knew Jesus since I was a little girl. I grew up in a christian school and went to Sunday school. I memorized Bible verses, took quizzes in Bible class, and carried a Bible with me everywhere (mostly because I had to for my class).
But I didn’t know Jesus.
I knew about Him. But I didn’t KNOW Him.
To me, Jesus was this person far off in the distance who saved me from my sin. I never got past the Savior part, though. When I was in second grade, I (along with dozens of other kids), accepted Jesus into my heart. From that day forward, I knew I would go to heaven someday.
But I didn’t know that I could have a personal relationship with Jesus.
I remembered at times when I wanted to connect with God, I would open my Bible and highlight large chunks of passages. I didn’t really read the words (and when I did, I was always confused or bored). After I would highlight the words, I would close my Bible with finality. That was the extent of my connection.
When I got older, and began to wrestle with deep wells of insecurity, rejection, fear, and depression, I would connect with God when I was at my worst. I would weep and ask God to take the pain away. Sometimes, I would ask Him to take ME away (am I glad He never answered that prayer!).
God became this boxing-pad for me. I would keep all my pain inside for weeks and even months at a time, and then I would explode all over Him.
Still, through all that time, I never imagined God could be anything more than what I believed Him to be. For the most part, I was content with keeping God where I had Him. At a safe distance.
When I was 18 years old, my life was flipped right side up. Through an amazing family that came into my life, they helped open my eyes to who Jesus was and is. They displayed a joy and a peace that could not be contained. They were so strange and different—far different than any other Christians I had encountered. They didn’t leave Jesus at church but included Him at home and in every moment of their day. (Later, I would learn that people who left Jesus at church were called luke-warm Christians.)
I desired for more in my life but I didn’t know how to get it. I wanted a deeper relationship with Jesus, but I didn’t know how.
My first memory of a breakthrough in this was when God led me to the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan. My eyes were opened to what lukewarm Christianity was. I was shocked! I didn’t realize that I was basically the walking dead. I proclaimed Jesus with my mouth, but my life reflected the exact opposite of who Jesus was.
In the book, Francis took me deeper into the love of God. Oh, how I desired this for my life! God began to awaken my spirit and my heart. For most of my life, I had been slumbering in deep sleep, unaware and living from a place of darkness. “Awake, O sleeper, and arise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.” (Ephesians 5:14)
As I began to read God’s Word, It began to come alive in me! I prayed repeatedly that God would deepen my love for Him. For weeks, this was my heart’s cry.
And God answered! These are prayers that God will always answer with a resounding YES.
One night, in October of 2017, I lay awake at night with a deep conviction and desire stirring in my heart. An awareness. A longing and a hunger. At this time, I was beginning to walk with Jesus, baby steps. I lay awake, realizing that I needed to make this choice and surrender for myself. Even though I had accepted Jesus when was nine, this was the first time that I was truly aware of what Jesus was offering me: Life abundant. Surrendering of my will for His will. Forgiveness. For Jesus not to just be my Savior, by also my Friend and the Lord of my life.
I believe this was my transformational day. This was the day that I gave my life completely to the Lord and began to run toward Him with all that I had. Not baby steps. Not walking. Not ambling anymore. RUNNING!!
Since then, my relationship with Jesus has only gotten better and better. Life in a way has become crazy, beautiful, hard, and messy. In the middle of my struggles, I have learned even more what it means to KNOW God. And for Him to KNOW me. This is to mean, to allow God access into my heart so that He can begin His healing work in me. His sanctifying, restorative, grace-filled molding.
I simply cannot believe I have been dancing with Jesus for seven years now. It’s been beautiful, all of it, and I cannot wait to dance with Him through the rest of my life and into eternity!
I pray you would know how much Jesus loves you. He has been pursuing you from day one. He hasn’t left and He never will! I pray that if you don’t know Him, that you would come face to face with Him today, with His glorious, abounding, reckless love! The kind that satisfies your soul, fills you with good things, and leads you in the everlasting way. <3
~Anastasia Daniel