The Ongoing Process of Forgiveness

It’s a tricky thing when you believe you have forgiven someone, but then that grudge and contempt creeps back in unknowingly.

This is what Jesus tells me: FORGIVENESS IS ONGOING.

Sometimes it takes more than going through the forgiveness-process one time. Sometimes, you have to forgive over and over and over and over again until your heart of stone is so soft it resembles the consistency of pudding. And when that happens, choose to forgive some more!

In Matthew 18, Peter approaches Jesus and asks him this detrimental question: “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”

To Peter, he most likely believed forgiving someone up to seven times to be very merciful and gracious. But oh no, Jesus does not agree with him!

Jesus answered, “I tell you, not up to seven times, but seventy times seven.” CSB

Seventy times seven is 490. And that is only for one person. That number is basically boundless! Jesus is telling us that we should not put a limit on how many times we forgive somebody, but to do so continuously. And yes, it may not make sense or feel fair to forgive somebody who had wronged you and hurt you. But when you forgive, often times that person, whether a friend or family member, has no idea that you are attempting to forgive them!

I can tell you that forgiveness is difficult because I was in the middle of that storm myself. Wow, what a journey! A journey that was long, painful, and nearly impossible until I allowed God to take the reigns. It was a relationship that could have ended in deep sorrow, but was joyfully renewed and restored once I set down my pride and allowed God to transform my heart. I am hoping that if God can help me, than you’d allow his gentle hand to guide you as well.

Friends, let me just tell you that the bitterness and contempt for the one who had wronged me consumed me so much that just at the mention of the name sent repulsiveness throughout my whole being. I was enraged! They didn’t deserve to have joy or happiness. How could they be traipsing around, unaware of the multiple wounds they had pierced through my heart? I was even angrier because they didn’t appear as if they knew they had hurt me. And how could they not? How could they not? Were they even human?

For weeks I allowed this feeling to consume me. They didn’t deserve my forgiveness! They didn’t even deserve my friendship. I wanted nothing to do with that person anymore. Bitterness began to color my actions and words and it began to affect my walk with God. Than one day while doing dishes, I asked the Lord what I needed to work on in my heart. He gave me just five words: You need to forgive ______. I froze and than plopped down in a chair wearily. My flesh screamed at me that I didn’t have to do this, that it would be too hard, that life is better without them anyway.

Forgive child, so that you may live. I cried at God’s gentle promptings, because I knew he was right. I wasn’t living anymore, and half the time I wasn’t even happy because Satan kept reminding me of the list of wrongdoings that person had committed. I couldn’t breath and as much as I wanted to and tried, I didn’t have enough room for both God and unforgiveness in my heart.

That day, I learned forgiving isn’t about the person who did the hurting, whether intentionally or not. Forgiving is about me so I can let go of all that hatred, that contempt, that acid that is burning a whole in my heart. To forgive is to allow myself the freedom to live fully and intentionally, not held in bondage by the chains of contempt and resentment.

God is teaching me as well that when I go through this forgiveness process, I can’t pretend I did my part by forgiving that person for a few weeks, and when I don’t feel the hurt as strongly as before believe it’s taken care of. He is teaching me that if I truly want to be free of this burden, I must let Him work in my heart until He tells me it is finished!

Only God truly knows when I have defeated the beast, and we must rely on Him to speak that truth in our lives.

Lord, I cannot forgive the ones who have hurt me without your guidance and wisdom. I know that if I don’t forgive others, you won’t forgive me either (Matthew 6:15). God, help me to walk through this process as effectively as possible, and help me to hear your voice so I know if I am walking on the right path. You sent Jesus so that I may have life, and have it to the fullest (John 10:10). May I choose to forgive even to those who I believe don’t deserve it so that I may live life to the fullest. Help me, Father, to forgive the person who has wronged me and deeply wounded me. It hurts so much, Lord, but I cannot feel this way any longer. I ask for your help to forgive and to love this person. Thank you for walking with me, for forgiving me, and for loving me enough to speak the truth.