Gratitude was something I struggled with for a long time. I tended to see the world through a “cup half-empty” outlook and wondered how being thankful could change any of my current struggles and circumstances. It felt good to complain and lament about all my issues and feelings. Complaining provided an instant “feel-good-fix” in the moment but never produced positive change or bore any lasting good fruit.
Over time, as I cultivated a habit of gratitude (oh, how I dragged my feet on this!), my viewpoint on life started to shift. I began to see the world through the lens of hope and possibility. I felt like I was standing more on stable ground than sinking sand. Not only did my perspective on life change but my perception of myself changed. I learned how to be content with myself and be confident in the skin the Lord had created me in. Feeding on God’s Word certainly aided in a mindset transformation, but gratitude helped me to stay content in the season I was in and the things that I had.
If you find yourself comparing, complaining, and coveting often (I call it “The Toxicity of the Three C’s), I recommend beginning to cultivate the following daily habits:
- Write down at least three things that you are grateful for each day. I use a journal “My Prayer Journey” that includes a section for what I’m thankful for, what I’m worried about, and what I’m praying for. Joyce Meyer says, “If you start by being thankful for small things, you will soon have big things to be thankful for.” I couldn’t agree more! When I first began my gratitude journey, I used to just stare blankly at my paper. I remembered saying, “I don’t know what I’m thankful for!” But that was only because I was wayyyy overthinking it. I thought I had to thank God for huge, monumental things, which was very daunting at the time. God led me to thank Him for what I would often take for granted that other people in the world struggled to have—things like running water, warm showers, fruits and vegetables, two vehicles to get around with, and a healthy body with two, strong legs I could walk on. As I got into the groove of thanking God each day, it became easier and more natural. In fact, I found myself thanking God each time I began to pray! More profoundly, my joy and contentment began to deepen and overflow in every area of my life!
- Read at least one passage from the Bible and meditate on these words throughout the day. Fill your heart, mind, and soul with the fruit of God’s Word. I usually can’t get through a day without reading something from Psalms. The Book of Psalms is a beautiful representation of what it looks like to cultivate gratitude in the middle of hard seasons. It’s often filled with lamenting, sorrow, and grief, but includes releasing them to the Lord, thanking Him, and praising His Name! We too are invited to do the same.
- Pray rather than complain. Instead of complaining to a family member, friend, coworker, or the cashier lady at Walmart, what if we first started by going to God? Our grumbling can often make our loved ones grow weary—hey, we’re only human! But God can take it, every moment of every day of every year. I find that by releasing my cares to the Lord, much of my anxiety and fears are released as well. An extraordinary exchange occurs with the Father—as we surrender our worries, fears, and desires, He releases love, grace, peace, and hope upon us. He has the power to change our circumstances and, most importantly, to change us.
- Fast. I’m serious! Fast from that thing that’s causing the “Three C’s”. Every once in a while, I will take a break from all media (including social media) to spend more time with God and to also wash from all the residue media may cover me with—such as comparing myself to the “highlight of other people’s lives” and coveting my neighbor’s gifts, talents, things, and appearance. I will also fast from “spending” and certain foods. I find this helps recalibrate my focus on what’s important and be content with all the Lord has blessed me with. Take some time here to think about any area of your life you could fast from. Some suggestions may be: A hobby that you tend to spend much of your time on, any kind of entertainment, overworking (we all need to work and complete tasks, but sometimes we can get to the place where it overtakes our lives and we never take time to rest), food, shopping, and helping other people. ***Okay, I have to add a comment on the last one, because I know some of you are aiming strange looks at me right now. Helping other people is great! God calls us to serve one another in love and humility, such as in Romans 12:13, “Contribute to the saints and seek to show hospitality.” Don’t hear what I’m not saying. Helping people is a joy, a privilege, and should bring us closer to God and people. But even helping people can distance us from God, depending on how our heart’s positioned. Galations 5:13-14 tells us, “For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only, do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love, serve one another. For the whole law is fulfilled in one word: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.'” Phewey! I could probably write a whole blog post—maybe even a whole book—on just this one verse. But I will keep it simple and short, for the sake of time. Serving other people can come from two different areas—from the Spirit or from the flesh. Kelly Minter from the Cultivate Podcast said it well, “The place of revival is to begin at the Master’s feet. You must go there with Mary, and than afterwards, you may work with Martha.” Serving others, ministry, and working for God can become just as much of idolatry as materialism and finding comfort in a bowl of ice cream. It can also be a breeding ground for burn-out, bitterness, anger, frustration, complaining, anxiety, and a host of other things if we are not careful. By taking time to fast from these places, trimming down on our need to “save people”, and spending our precious fly-by-the-hour time with the One whom our soul loves, will bring our hearts to a right posture again. We can now serve out of love, out of the abundance of God’s heart, instead of out of the abundance of…us (which is very limited in ability and strength). So, yes! Fast! The more you do it, the more you’ll want to do it! Also, when you fast, replace it with something that is beneficial to the Spirit. For example: If you fast from watching tv, use that time to study the Bible, pray, soak in worship music, take a nature walk with God, or anything else that will help you feel connected to the Lord.
- Who do you spend your time with? The Bible says, “Spend time with the wise and you will become wise, but the friends of fools will suffer” (Proverbs 13:20). I know there are some people that we can’t exactly stay away from, coworkers for instance. But we can choose to decrease our social time with certain people who may bring out the worst in us. Healthy boundaries can be put in place in these instances. If you have friends who complain and grumble often and you catch yourself feeding off them, that may be a good place to set up those “healthy boundaries” and/or change the subject to something more positive. We may not have the power to change the person, but we can change the conversation. And sometimes the healthiest thing we can do is to say goodbye and walk away…Also, surround yourself with positive, joy-filled people! Find some godly friends who can help you cultivate the fruit of the Spirit. Spend time with the wise and you will become wise! **Just to note here, I know it may be “fun” to complain to and with others, but keep in mind that complaining won’t fix anything and won’t bear good lasting fruit. The more we focus on the negative and worst-case scenarios, the more it feeds into our fears and anxieties. (I know firsthand what that feels like!) Our weapon and victory over Satan, who only comes to “steal, kill, and destroy” (John 10:10), are not released from these areas, which only bring death to our spirit. Victory over the enemy is released from weapons of love, hope, faith, and peace that give us “life, and life abundantly” (John 10:10). Now, I know that sometimes we need to talk things out with people, especially when we are searching out sound wisdom and advice. A good question to ask yourself before talking to a person about a certain issue may be, “Am I talking about this just for the sake of talking, or do I plan on taking action on this and making it better somehow?”
- Listen to positive music. Better yet, listen to Christian music. My change in what genre of music I listen to has greatly contributed to who I am today. I hardly play any music I listened to before I gave my life to Christ. I have deleted them from my phone and have never looked back twice (okay…that’s not always true!). If I listen to any pop or country, I am very picky about the artist and the song. I read the lyrics and make sure they are godly and will not damage my spirit in any way. I also do the same with what I watch. I know you may think that is silly, but I will attest to you time and time again: What you listen to, read, and watch does impact how you think, behave, speak, and act. “For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. The good person out of his good treasure brings forth good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure brings forth evil” (Matthew 12:34-35). This is a hard verse to swallow, but it’s true for all of us! We may not think we are indulging in something evil, and that’s how Satan loves to deceive us. He makes the things of this world look “appealing” and “good” but it is only harming our spirit and produces evil within us. Take some time to look through some things you listen to and watch. Pray on it and discern if there is anything ungodly in it. Better yet, envision Jesus sitting next to you, listening to the song you’re singing along to or the movie you are watching. Do you think there would be anything that would grieve Him? My husband and I often have worship music playing in the background at home, and you have no idea how that impacts the atmosphere! I will often sing along while I’m doing something, and in my heart and spirit, I feel delight, joy, peace, and hope! Also, Christian music kind of got a bad rap over the years, but truly, it is far from boring. You can find spirit-led songs in any genre. If you enjoy Linkin Park and Fall Out Boy, try Skillet, RED, Flyleaf, Lacey Sturm, or Disciple. If country music is your jam, listen to Anne Wilson and CAIN. If you love to party with Selena Gomez, Taylor Swift, and David Guetta, switch on some Britt Nicole, Capital Kings, Blanca, Riley Clemmons, Tauren Wells, and Colton Dixon (to name a few). I presented a challenge to someone I know to listen to nothing but Christian music for 30 days and take some time to reflect on their thought patterns, habits, and how they spoke. It really is that transformational!
Action Plan: Take some time this week and write a list of how you can begin cultivating gratitude in your life. If you are already doing this, great! I still challenge you to think about some additional ways you can add to what you are already doing. We can always grow and learn in new ways, right? After making the list, implement at least one or two things that you can develop the habit of doing daily. It may feel awkward and weird at first…perfect, you’re in good company then! 😉 As you make it a daily habit, it will become easier and more natural. Over time, you may even begin to take delight in it! I struggled with prayer for years. Only in the last year or so have I truly begun to look forward to praying, interceding, and laying my petitions before the Lord. I still struggle with it sometimes, especially after a long, draining day, but I take delight in being with my Father. Sometimes, I just sit there and don’t say anything. I allow God to speak to me and reveal things to me. A few years ago, I wouldn’t have considered this prayer. I also sometimes write out my prayers and pray them out loud. So anyways, whatever your daily gratitude habit looks like, it’s okay! The focus is that it comes from your heart and you are seeking the Lord in all things and in all kinds of ways!
I hope you take the time to cultivate these daily habits in your life. There are many other habits you can implement to cultivate gratitude and to combat the “Three C’s”, but these are a few that have truly helped transform me over the years. Ultimately, if you seek the Lord and make it a habit to meet with Him consistently, He’s the One who has the power to change your perspective, actions, words, and habits!
When thanks to God becomes your habit, joy in God becomes your life.
Kristen Kay Johnson
